


I will always find my way back to you!

by caffeineaddicted_malec



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alec in a stubble, Alec needs a friend, Alec still loves Magnus, Angst in every way, Angst with a Happy Ending, Clary Fray & Alec Lightwood Friendship, Comfort/Angst, Fluff and Angst, Good Boyfriend Magnus Bane, M/M, Magnus will always love Alec, Max is dead, Multi, Post-Break Up, Post-War, Sebastian and Valentine are dead, Slight fluff, malec friendship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-27
Updated: 2017-09-29
Packaged: 2018-12-07 16:21:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 14,893
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11627289
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/caffeineaddicted_malec/pseuds/caffeineaddicted_malec
Summary: The war costed Max Lightwood his life leaving Alec and Isabelle utterly devastated. Magnus and Alec broke up because of trust issues as the latter hid the truth about the Soul Sword from Magnus. Unable to cope up with the loss of his brother and his boyfriend, Alec leaves New York with a plan to never return again.However, 7 months later a portal opens into Alec's old office. Isabelle gets her brother back and Jace is reunited with his Parabatai. Alec Lightwood is a different man now. His demeanor speaks of the losses the boy has suffered over the last few months. Can Jace, Clary and Isabelle help Alec? Can Magnus Bane bring back the boy he fell in love with all those months ago? Can Alec fall in love with Magnus again? Can he realize that he never actually stopped loving Magnus in the first place?PS: The story picks up after 2x20 but with reference to what happened in 2x17. Magnus and Alec fall for each all over again. Lightly angsty and fluffy coz why not!





	1. Alec Lightwood is back?

**7 months later,**

Alexander Lightwood walked through the Portal into his office in the New York institute. Jace, Clary and Izzy were all waiting to welcome him back.  
He had been away from New York in Idris for 7 months after he lost his brother Max to the War. Valentine and Sebastian had been killed and the Shadow World was returning to its normal functional in a steady pace. Life, however, hadn’t been the same for Alec. He not only lost his brother but he lost the love of his life, Magnus Bane. The High Warlock of Brooklyn was still alive but Alec and he weren’t together anymore. The war had cost Alec and Magnus their love. Lies, secrets, betrayals that accompanied the war made sure they would never be the same again. Clary barely survived the wrath of the Morgensterns and Alec was lucky enough to have his Parabatai come out of the war unscathed. The boy couldn’t have survived another loss.

As Alec stepped out, Jace moved forward and took him in an embrace. Alec obliged and wrapped his arms around his parabatai. “It’s good to see you, Alec!”, Jace whispered rubbing his hand at the back of Alec’s head. “You too, Jace!”, Alec mumbled back. When they broke the hug, Jace finally saw his brother, head to toe. He wasn’t the Alexander Lightwood Jace remembered from 7 months ago. Thick stubble, sunken lifeless eyes, dark circles, and a guarded smile. He wore a dark grey formal shirt with sleeves folded up to the elbows and black jeans. As Jace moved away, Alec slipped his hands back in his pockets as he stared at Izzy who was on the brink of crying. She ran to him and wrapped her arms around her brother’s neck and wept. Jace saw Alec fight his tears as his face straightened and intensified. Clary clutched Jace’s arm trying to control her own emotions. Jace placed his hand over hers trying to calm her down. 

“It’s been a while, big brother!”, Izzy cried still tightly holding Alec by his neck. Alec wrapped his hands firmly around Izzy. “Im here now, Izz!”, he whispered almost choked by his own tears. “Hey…hey! Listen to me!”, Alec broke the hug and cupped Izzy’s face in his hands. “Im here now! It’s okay. I am here!”. He wiped her tears and pulled her in another hug. The Lightwood siblings had just survived the worst 7 months of their lives and it was normal for Izzy to fear losing another brother of hers. “I just can’t go through all that again!”, she cried. Tears trickled down Clary’s eyes as Jace pulled her in his embrace. She couldn’t help but feel responsible for everything Izzy and Alec, and in fact the entire Institute went through. It was her brother and her father behind everything that happened. “You won’t Izz! I promise! Shh just stop crying!”, Alec consoled Izzy.

“Excuse me? Sir! They’re here, as you requested.”, Raj knocked at the door of Alec’s office. 

Izzy broke away from Alec and wiped off her tears. Alec looked at Jace who had been handling the Institute in his absence. Raj looked at Alec and straightened up. “Let’s go, Raj!”, Jace said. Raj nodded and left. “Alec!”, Jace turned to Alec. “It’s okay, I’ll take charge from next week, Jace. For now, you call the shots!”, Alec replied. “Okay, then!”, Jace nodded and left. Everyone else followed. 

On their way to the meeting hall, Alec walked behind the rest of his friends carefully gazing at the walls of the Institute. The cries of the people, the noise from the seraph blades ripping through nephilims and downworlders echoed in his mind. They walked by his old room and an image of Max lying lifeless on the bed flashed in his mind. He blinked as a tear fell from his eye. Shaking his head, he paced up to match Clary who was right ahead of him, as he tried to control the sudden outburst of painful memories. 

They reached the meeting hall and in the center of it, stood two figures with their backs turned to the nephilims. Alec stopped walking as he registered the scent in the air and recognized one of the two guests. Spiky hair with red highlights, long overcoat and fingers that Alec could recognize anywhere. “Magnus…”, he gasped very softly as a lump formed in his throat. No one could have heard Alec calling out to Magnus but somehow, Magnus turned around at the exact moment Alec called him out and as their eyes met, Alec felt a deep burn in them. He blinked away any traces of moisture as he walked ahead. “Luke, Magnus! Thank you again for coming on such short notice!”, Jace greeted them breaking Magnus and Alec’s eye contact and Alec’s chain of thoughts. Alec looked at Jace hoping to understand why his ex-boyfriend and the werewolf were called to the Institute. 

“It’s okay, Jace!”, Luke replied in a tone higher than expected sensing the tension between Magnus and Alec. Jace took the hint and looked at Alec to see if his parabatai was doing okay. 

“Alec! I called in Magnus and Luke to talk about the future of the Accords here in New York City”, Jace filled in. 

“Yeah! Sounds great…”, Alec whispered to Jace hoping Magnus was not staring at him the whole time. “I…I just need…to sleep, Jace…I promise I’ll relieve you of your duties next week. I just…can I take leave!”, he pleaded. 

“You don’t need to ask for it, Alec! I’ll find you after the meeting is over!”, Jace rubbed Alec’s shoulder as the latter turned and left in a hurry. 

Once he was in the hallways again, Alec ran holding his mouth and stopped only when he had reached his office. He closed the doors and gasped for breath wiping the beads of sweat on his forehead. “Alec…pull yourself together!”, he whispered and walked over the bottles of Bourbon. Pouring himself a glass of it, he sat near the fireplace holding the tablet in his hand. Going through the recent case files might just help him get over his anxiety. 

By the time Jace returned to their office, Alec was 3 glasses deep in reading through the case studies. 

“Hey!”, Jace called out to Alec. 

Alec turned off the tab and peered to see Jace standing at the door. But. He wasn’t alone. Alec turned slightly and saw Magnus standing behind Jace. Taking a huge breath, Alec put the glass down on the table and straightened himself up to face him and Magnus. 

“Going through the case files?”, Jace asked. 

“Yeah…a lot happened while I was at Idris.”, Alec let out a soft chuckle. He was careful to not look straight into Magnus’ eyes as much as he was wanting to. 

“I’ll just be back…I think Clary needs me!”, Jace looked at his phone and left suddenly, leaving Alec all alone with Magnus. Alec went back to the table. 

“Drink?”, he offered. 

The memory of the last time Magnus was in his office flashed in his mind and he jerked. 

“Alex..Alec are you okay?”, Magnus stepped forward holding out his hand. 

“Yeah…I’m fine! I just need a good night’s sleep…that’s all.”, Alec blabbered still not looking at Magnus. “You didn’t tell me if you want a glass?”, he asked again. 

“No…I’ll pass tonight!”, Magnus replied. 

His voice hadn’t changed. It was still husky and sexy and just as tempting as Alec remembered. 

“So what brings you by!”, Alec stumbled for words as he sat on the edge of the table holding a glass in one hand and the other hand tugged in his pocket. 

“The meeting…and uhh…I just heard you were back from Idris!”, Magnus completed the statement trying to find a way for Alec to look at him. 

“How have you been?”, he asked. “I’ve been as good as anyone who just lost his brother”, Alec smirked and drank further. 

“I’m so sorry!”, Magnus said as he moved forward towards Alec. 

“Yeah…everyone is!”, Alec said.

“Alec, if you need me…”, Magnus said.

“I won’t.”, Alec blurted almost as quickly as Magnus said and left the room.

\-------

**7 months ago**

“I needed you, Magnus!”, Alec told him.

The war had ended and everyone was assembling to honor the ones they’d lost. 

“I needed you too… Alexander!”, Magnus was quick to reply. Alec sighed closing his eyes. 

“I don’t think we can do this anymore…”, Magnus said…moments later. 

“What!”, Alec shot back. “You don’t get to waltz in here and tell me what we can and cannot do!”, Alec yelled. 

“Do not yell at me, Alexander!”, Magnus gritted his teeth together. 

Alec closed his eyes for a bit calming himself down and finally spoke.

“Magnus…I am sorry I hid the truth about the Soul Sword. I know you think I should have told you but I’ve explained why I didn’t. If I could, I’d do it all over again. Because it was the right thing to do. Not just for the Nephilims but for the entire Downworld. I don’t expect to be agreed with all the time, but I expected to be understood. And you know what, I am not mad at you. Because I understand why you were so broken and betrayed. You trusted me and I broke your trust. I am truly sorry for that. I will be, for the rest of my life. But if you can’t see past that, I accept it. I understand, Magnus. It was really nice knowing you.”, Alec looked into Magnus’ eyes. 

“Thank you for all the help you and your clan provided us. We wouldn’t have succeeded without your magic.”, Alec’s voice broke. 

“I am really sorry you lost Max, Alec”, Magnus came forward and held Alec’s hands. Alec’s slipped them away. 

“I am too…”, he mumbled and left. That was the last Magnus and Alec saw of each other. 

After the last rituals for the Dead, Magnus returned to his loft and went straight to the bed, not the one in his room but the one in his guest room. He couldn’t bear to sleep in a bed that had so many memories of him and Alexander. He curled up in the blanket and cried over a pillow smudging his make up onto it…until he was tired of crying. 

Next morning, he woke up and decided to visit the institute, more specifically his boyfriend…err, ex-boyfriend. Losing someone isn’t something Alec and Izzy could have gotten over just in a night's time because they had defeated the ones responsible. Alec would have needed Magnus and Magnus didn’t want to leave Alec hanging. As soon as he stepped out of the Portal into the institute, he saw commotion around. Jace noticed him and quickly rushed to him. 

“Magnus!”, he asked. “What brings you here?”, he asked. 

“I’m here to check on all of you…and Alexander!”, he said softly. 

“He didn’t tell you?”, Jace huffed out a quick breath. 

“Tell me what?”, Magnus narrowed his brows. 

“Alec left for Idris this morning handing me the commands.”, Jace said. 

Magnus’ world shifted. Alec had left. 

“When’s he coming back?”, Magnus pulled himself together. 

“I don’t know. I mean he gave me all important clearances for the place and it looked like he isn’t coming back!”, Jace sighed. 

“And you let him leave?”, Magnus shot back. 

“Magnus…he and I lost our brother! And as strong as Alec is, he handles grief very differently from the rest of us. My pushing into his private space would have torn him further apart. I know him!”, Jace mumbled. 

Magnus was in shock. He might have broken up with Alexander but until last night, he had been satisfied with the fact that he’ll at least get to see him every other day. But now, _Alec was just gone._


	2. Settling into... his old life?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter basically just elaborates on Alec's character evolution and some Clary and Alec moments because I like their friendship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to all those of you who commented.  
> Feels to be appreciated.

Magnus stood in Alec’s office after he left. There were so many emotions clouding his mind. He was so delighted to see his favorite Shadowhunter back home but absolutely devastated to see what he had become. Alec had changed so much. His face was covered in a thick stubble, so unlike Alexander. The eyes were dark and sunken and to top all that, he was drinking Bourbon. 7 months and Magnus did not recognize this person wearing Alec’s face. Magnus shook his head breaking his thoughts and paced to catch up with Alec who was walking away from him. 

“Alec!”, he called from behind. Alec stopped walking. Magnus sighed and walked up to him. 

“Alec...”, Magnus repeated. 

He really didn’t know how to make conversation with Alec anymore. That thought broke him. 

“Yes, Magnus?”, Alec replied. Magnus noticed his eyes. 

They were flushed red because of the alcohol. 

“I…uh…I’m”, Magnus struggled. 

Alec raised his left brow staring right into Magnus’ eyes for the first time since they met in the Hall. 

“I’m…just glad you’re back.”, Magnus blurted out. 

Alec’s face intensified and he walked away gulping his drink and throwing the glass on his way. 

\-------

“Still enjoy pepperoni on your pizza?”, Clary called out to Alec. 

Alec turned and saw his Parabatai’s girlfriend standing on the door of the roof of the Institute holding Pizza in her hand. Alec gave a weak smile and pointed at the space next to him. Clary hopped in and opened the Pizza. “I also got us Beer!”, she said as placed two bottles of chilled beer in front of him. 

“Alec…?”, she said after a while. 

“Hmm!”, he replied looking at the moon above. 

“It will get easier”, she placed her hand on his knee. 

Alec stopped drinking and looked at her. 

“How do you know that? In fact, Clary…how do you do it?”, he asked. 

“Do what?”, Clary asked back.

“You lost your mom, and your family.”, Alec sighed.

“Like I said Alec! It gets easier. But there’s one thing you always gotta remember!”, Clary said.

“And what’s that?”

“You don’t forget the people who are still there!”, Clary whispered. Alec looked at Clary as tears welled up in his eyes. 

“Jace and Izzy…and even me. We’re here for you, Alec. Don’t ever forget that!”, she held his cheek and wiped the tear away. “You’ve been a brother to me…and I’ll always be there for you!”, she smiled. 

Alec smiled and fisted Clary, like they usually did. 

“This pizza is good!”, Alec smiled. They sat on the roof eating Pizza and for the first time in a long time, Alec felt okay.

\-------

Clary and Alec walked down the stairs into the Hallway only to find Magnus and Jace waiting for them. Alec’s smile vanished as he saw Magnus. He took the Beer bottles from Clary’s hands and dropped them into the Bin. “What were you both doing upstairs?”, Jace asked. “Nothing that concerns you Babe!”, Clary winked. Alec and Magnus stared at each other. 

“Alexander”, Magnus called out softly. The moment he heard his name from Magnus’ mouth, he melted. 

“Hmm…?” he replied. 

“I had some case files I wanted to discuss with the Head of the Institute…but Jace insisted that you should come along too.”, Magnus said. Alec looked at Magnus and then back at Jace. 

“Yeah…I think you should be there”, Jace corroborated. 

“I can’t do it today!”, Alec shrugged. He was slightly drunk and a little more annoyed at Magnus than usual. 

“Whenever you’re…”, Magnus offered. 

“I’ll let Jace know.”, Alec replied bluntly. “I’ll see you tomorrow Clary!”, he turned and fisted Clary as he walked away. Magnus stood lifeless. 

_Had he done this to Alec?_

\-------

Alec woke up next morning with a slight headache. He had taken more than a few drinks last night and this hangover was here to stay. He frowned as he got up and stretched himself. The sunlight peered from the curtains and hurt his eyes. He rubbed them and looked to the side and saw some pills and water lying on the table. “Have them, Alec.”, a voice sounded from the door. He looked up and saw his sister standing on the door. 

“I am fine!”, he mumbled and got his feet down on the floor. 

“No, you’re not!”, she revolted and came forward. 

“You’re back in New York and I am not going to let you ruin yourself. Not anymore!”, she sat next to him holding his hand. “I am here for you”, she kissed his cheek. “Go get ready!”, she patted his back. 

As he took a shower, Izzy waited outside in his room. He came out wearing a towel around his waist rubbing his wet hair. 

“Alec…your beard?”, she glared. Alec turned and stared at the mirror.

“I like it how it is”, he scratched his stubble. 

Izzy had picked out a crisp white shirt and black jeans. He glared at Izzy who glared back at him not accepting a ‘no’ for an answer. He sighed and accepted the clothes she gave him as she waited outside.

“Are you baby-sitting me?”. Alec was shocked to see Izzy standing outside the main door.

“No! I just missed you around.”, she smiled wrapping her hand around his.

Alec shook his head as they walked through the hallways into his office. Jace and Clary were already there along with Magnus. Alec sighed again as he saw Magnus.  
Magnus let out a gasp as he saw Alec walk in wearing white shirt. 

“Morning!”, he turned his gasp into a greet. Alec nodded as he joined the rest of his Team. 

“Staking out a restaurant in Brooklyn today, Alec”, Jace handed out his tablet. 

“It’ll be better if we split up. Clary and I will take the back-door. And Alec, as for you, you take the front door with Magnus”, Jace announced. 

Alec stared blankly at Jace and then at Magnus. “I’m sorry what?”, Alec replied a moment later. 

“Izzy is working from the Institute this time, Alec…and remember I’m calling the shots”, Jace replied. 

Alec rolled his eyes as they split up according to their teams and armed up. Alec opened his closet in the weapons room to take out his bow. _His old bow._ It felt so good to hold it again. 

“I’ve never done stakeouts before, Alexander”, Magnus’ voice sounded from the back. Alec closed the closet door and tilted to see Magnus standing at the end of the room. 

“I’ve got this”, Alec said fixing his holsters. “If you want, you can go back home, I mean your loft”, he added.

“No…I want to help!”, Magnus lied.

“Fine. Just don’t get in the way”, Alec stared at Magnus blankly.

“Ok”, replied Magnus. He was too hurt to see Alec react so coldly but somewhere he knew that they had 7 months between them right now and it would be difficult to go back to where they had been.

As Alec and Magnus reached the restaurant, Jace informed them that there was some time before their target approached and they could relax. Izzy had already planted the tracker on the target a day before. Alec and Magnus found a café at the end of the block and they sat on the corner most table. Alec’s eyes were transfixed on the restaurant. 

“So, how was Idris?”, Magnus broke the silence.

“Fine”, Alec blinked. The sunlight was too bright at this time of the day. 

“If it hurts, I can just…”, Magnus noticed and offered.

“Magnus, I am okay. I don’t need your help!”, Alec stared into Magnus’ eyes. The warlock had a long history behind him and his walls were so strong but one thing he never could do was hide his eyes from Alexander. Alec sighed as he felt the hurt in them. “Look, I am sorry. I do not want to be rude to you. I just can’t be who you expect me to be!”, Alec explained. Magnus’ lips curved into a weak smile. 

“I am sorry if I am pushing too hard, Alexander!”, he sighed. Jace sounded in Alec’s ears. “Guys, you’re up!”

Alec straightened himself raising his bow. “Take the Lead, Magnus”

Magnus nodded and walked ahead of Alec. “I got your back”, he mumbled only realizing what he’d said a while later. “I mean you don’t need to…”, Alec explained. 

“I got it, Alexander”, he smiled and walked towards the target. 

The target was a Circle member. Yes there were quite a few of them still alive, roaming around New York. Magnus flicked his hand and blue flames appeared. “I’ll immobilize him.”, Magnus offered. “Copy that!”, Alec said aiming his arrow right at the Shadowhunter. As Magnus’ hand waved, the Shadowhunter froze in his position. They proceeded with caution in case the Shadowhunter had brought company. And they were right. A heavy punch knocked Alec behind as Magnus turned. “Alexander!”, he called. “Go after Wilson”, Alec yelled as he straightened himself up and punched the Shadowhunter back. His quiver fell on the floor as Alec now dueled with the man with his bare hands while Magnus incapacitated the target. Once the target was portaled to the prison cell in the Institute, Magnus turned to see if Alec was okay. Not only was he okay, but he was hitting the other shadowhunter with heavy blows and kicks. He had seen Alec train before but there was a certain skill with which Alec was fighting that he’d never seen before. He flicked his hand again and the Circle member choked on the floor. Alec knocked him down with one final blow and turned to Magnus. “You okay?”, Alec asked and Magnus nodded.

“Wilson is in the Institute. We should leave!”, Jace joined them. 

Alec nodded and the crew returned to the Institute. Jace and Clary went straight to the cell while Alec returned to the weapons room. 

“Listen, Alexander! I know I sound a bit pushy. I just…”, he sighed as Alec made eye contact. “I just…can’t forget how we…ended…things!”, he blurted out. When Alec didn't react to him, he got worried that he might have upset the Nephilim. “I am sorry, I’ll just go!”, he quickly turned to leave. 

“Magnus”, Alec called back. “I am sorry too…! I’ve been avoiding this conversation and it’s not fair to either of us. I am here if you want to talk”, Alec said. 

Magnus’ eyes brightened. “We could go back home...”, he offered.

“No…not the loft. Umm, let’s go to Pandemonium!”, Alec hesitated.

“Pandemonium?”, Magnus raised his brows.

“Yeah…problem?”, Alec asked.

“No…not at all”, Magnus smiled.

“Alright, see you at 8 tonight!”, Alec said and left the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> While I was writing the fic, I tried to not be biased towards either Alec or Magnus. So I hope I was able to do that. Also, I've always wanted to see Clary and Alec bond as friend because Alec needs a friend that's not his parabatai or his sister. I haven't really read the books so I don't know if there are any characters that fill in those shoes.
> 
> Positive criticism appreciated.


	3. The feelings that were never buried?

Magnus waited outside Pandemonium. Occasionally, he'd crane his neck around to see if he saw his Shadowhunter coming. Amidst a bunch of loud people, Magnus finally spotted him. He wore a navy-blue sweater and black leather jacket and was casually walking towards the club. Spotting Magnus, he approached him. “Hey!”, he said. “Hello, Alexander!”, Magnus returned the smile. Alec pointed at the door and both of them proceeded to the club. Magnus directed them to the stairs and Alec and Magnus found themselves alone on the first floor of the Club. “This is a more private setting, considering the discussion we’re about to have!”, Magnus replied. A part of him was afraid that Alec didn’t want to be in a place alone with Magnus but somehow Alec agreed. Magnus then summoned drinks for the two of them and they sat down on the couch in a small cubicle. The faint sound of music from downstairs rang in their ears.

“I understand what you’ve been through this past seven months! I wish I could do something to take the pain away. But –”, Magnus looked at Alec. He shifted his position nervously sipping his drink.

“It’s nothing compared to what you’ve been through in the last couple of centuries!”, Alec continued.

“We can’t measure pain, Alexander. And we shouldn’t.”, Magnus added. His tone went grew softer as Alec looked up at him. “And we can’t erase the time we had together!”, he said. 

“And I don’t think we should!”, Alec added. His lips curved into a small understanding smile. “Throughout the war, we said things to each other that we shouldn’t have. Did things we could have easily done differently. And I don’t want you to be okay with letting it go!”, Alec told him bluntly. 

Magnus raised his brows, “What are you getting at, Alexander?”

“I love you, Magnus. Always have and always will. But I don’t know where we stand right now!”, He looked up at Magnus. 

The blue eyes that Magnus loved and yearned for were filled with huge tears. He wanted to move forward and kiss those tears away but he wasn’t sure if he could. The next minute saw Magnus moving closer to Alec cupping his face in his and kissing the lids of the eyes. Alec sniffed and held Magnus’ hands that held his face. Magnus then lowered his face and kissed Alec on his lips and he kissed back. Breaking away from their kiss, Magnus and Alec joined their foreheads as tears continued to flow.

“I love you too Alexander. In ways, I cannot fathom!”, Magnus sniffed.

“So, we can’t!”, Alec pulled away. Deep down, Magnus knew where this conversation was headed and he was too overwhelmed to argue. 

He bit his lips wiping off his tears and leaning back on his side of the couch. “I understand, Alexander!”, he sighed. 

“I’m not going anywhere. When you do decide to come back, I’ll be right here!”, Magnus smiled. 

“I’m lost Magnus! I don’t know if I can find myself again!”, Alec said. Magnus closed his eyes as a sharp pain twitched in him. 

“Alexander. Whenever you turn back, you’ll find me waiting for you my Nephilim!”, Magnus said. Alec registered this and gulped his entire drink asking Magnus to refill it again. 

“I also can’t go back to not being able to talk to you!”, Alec confessed. 

Magnus smiled and held Alec’s knee. “You can talk to me, whenever you want! I’ll be here for you.”, Magnus said. 

“Don’t say that Magnus just because you feel sorry for me!”, Alec looked at him. 

“I would never do that, Alec! I do truly care about you. Relationship or not!”, he rubbed his fingers on Alec’s knee. “How about this! Let’s just be friends and take it from there? When you’re ready for me, I’ll be ready for you! Okay?”, Magnus patted Alec’s cheek. 

“Yeah?”, Alec asked in reassurance. 

Magnus smiled, “Yeah!”

The anger that Magnus had, the betrayal that Magnus had felt were long buried beneath concerns for Alec’s whereabouts and safety. A mind tends to rethink its decisions in free time and that’s what Magnus had been doing. 7 months away from Alec had given him a new perspective on their relationship. He always knew that Alec was a young and naïve boy but now he understood it a bit more. He understood the decisions Alec made and the reasons which compelled him to do so. For the last seven months, Magnus woke up each day hoping to be able to work things out with his boyfriend who hadn’t been seen in a long time until yesterday when he got a call from Izzy stating that Alexander was coming home. He hadn’t been eager to do anything for a really long time but Alec’s arrival had infused new life in the High Warlock. Today, Alec might not have been ready to jump into their relationship but Magnus knew that one day when everything is over…or close to it, Alec would need the only person he had ever opened up to. And Magnus knew when that day came, he would be ready for his precious Nephilim. It was difficult to understand why Magnus felt what he felt. He should have been angry and annoyed but then that is what true love is. Even the anger you feel is a part of the bigger emotion which is love. 

For Alec, the last 7 months had been life-changing. After losing his brother, he couldn’t face anyone at home and so he ran from it all. At Idris, missions and training sessions kept him alive, just barely alive. He had friends back there, the ones he grew up with but no one could possibly understand Alec’s plight. Every day, he would wake up early, train for a couple hours and then leave for any mission he was assigned. He roamed around with his life in his hand, not caring if he got injured. Maryse and Robert were working through their issues but one thing where they never argued about was that Alec needed help. After losing one son to Valentine, they couldn’t bear to lose the other one too. That is why a month ago, Maryse sat down with Alec and told him to think about going back to his life, build it from the ruins and survive. It took Alec almost a month to get around to make a decision. These months had changed Alec so much and it remained to be seen if the change was enough for the boy to survive the memories that he worked so hard to keep away from his mind.

“Thank you, Magnus!”, Alec spoke after an eerie silence.

“For what?”, he asked.

“For tonight!”, Alec smiled and got up.

“You’re leaving?”, Magnus got up behind him.

“Yeah. I’ll see you at the Institute, okay?”, Alec smiled and slowly walked away.

Magnus stood still for a few seconds and then followed Alec down. 

“I can portal you back?”, Magnus offered. 

“No thank you, Magnus! I’ll walk.”, Alec sniffed. 

They walked to the exit together and then Alec turned to the right and Magnus vanished into the Portal.

\-------

A week later, Alec finally took over the commands of the Institute and implemented some quick policies.

“For centuries, we’ve acted on the Clave’s orders without thinking about the consequences. Where did that bring us? We created Valentine, and the Circle. They were our doing. The Clave’s doing. But now, we’ll do better. This Institute will be an example for the Clave. Change is needed. We’re Nephilims, half-humans. The Downworlders are half-humans too. Why the hell do we then need to differentiate between us and them. What binds us together is our human blood and from today, we will rationalize every decision and order from the Clave so that our interests are catered along with the Downworld’s. People who believe this is not a good idea can apply for a transfer. I’d be happy to recommend it to the Clave. But the New York institute will not entertain any radical decision from the Clave. Am I clear?”, Alexander Lightwood spoke from the dais. None of the Shadowhunters, surprisingly, argued. 

“Great!”, Alec replied and stepped down. 

On the stairs, he was greeted by Jace and Clary. Clary pulled Alec into a tight hug. 

“So happy you’re back, Alec!”, she said. “And it calls for a celebration, tonight!”, she cried. 

Alec tried to refuse by Jace and Clary didn’t give him much of a choice. 

“Hunters’ Moon. You’re buying us drinks!”, she winked. 

Alec sighed and agreed, “Fine!”.

\-------

The gang gathered in the Hunters’ Moon that evening. Alec sat on the Bar talking to the new Seelie Bartender when he saw Magnus walk in the door. Magnus waved at Izzy and Clary as he joined them. 

“Did you invite him?”, the bartender broke Alec’s stare. 

“Huh?”, Alec turned to him. 

“Your ex!”, the bartender eyes Magnus. 

“How do you...?”, Alec frowned. 

“Everyone in the Shadow world knows about you and the High Warlock!”, the Bartender winked. 

“I didn’t”, Alec mumbled. 

The bartended refilled his glass as Alec continued to stare at Magnus. Magnus was enjoying his time with Izzy and Clary and Alec found him sitting too far away from him. Shaking his thoughts away, he sipped his martini when he saw a girl approach Magnus. Alec raised his brow as he watched. The girl cautiously went to Magnus and offered him her hand, possibly asking him to dance. Alec was sure Magnus would refuse her but Magnus, surprisingly, took her hand and got up. The girl and Magnus passed right by him and Alec turned all the way around to see them proceed to the dance floor.

“Shouldn’t you do something!”, the Bartender poked Alec.

“Why are you talking!”, Alec taunted the Bartender.

“You are still in love with your ex-boyfriend, Alec Lightwood. Shouldn’t you do something about the girl”, the Bartender whispered.

“He’s my friend. Nothing more!”, Alec complained sipping his martini.

“And who do you think believes that…I am afraid not even you do!”, the Bartender poked Alec. Alec bit his lip and got up. As he saw Magnus pull the girl in his arms, he grunted.

“I’ll strangle her!”, Alec growled cleaning his hands.

Magnus swayed flawlessly on the dance floor holding the girl by her waist. As Alec approached him, he was furious. When he reached Magnus, he swiftly tapped the girl’s shoulder. 

“If you don’t mind, I need a minute with him!”, he stared at her until she left. 

“Alexander!”, Magnus smiled holding his hand out for Alec to shake. 

“Fuck it!”, Alec sniffed and pulled Magnus by his waist. 

Magnus was pleasantly surprised as he placed his hands on Alec’s waist. 

“How…what are?”, Magnus protested as Alec cupped his face and placed a deep and lingering kiss on his lips. Magnus was taken aback but he did kiss him back. 

“How many martinis have you had?”, Magnus chuckled very close to Alec’s lips. 

“Not many!”, Alec whispered. 

“Your lips taste otherwise, Alec!”, he winked.

“Don’t call me that. I am not Alec to you!”, he heaved.

“I apologi-”, Magnus couldn’t complete the word before Alec planted another kiss on his lips. 

“Alexander…wait!”, Magnus held Alec’s neck and pushed him back slightly. 

“You can’t…we can’t!”, he sighed. 

Alec’s eyes widened as he left Magnus and stepped back. “I…I am so sorry!”, he rubbed his temple. 

“It’s okay, Alexander!”, he stepped forward to hold Alec but Alec jerked it off, “No! It’s not okay. I just need to...”

He turned and walked away. Grabbing his jacket, he went outside. Magnus followed him out to find Alec standing hugging himself because of the cold and staring at the moon above. He moved his fingers and Alec relaxed as he warmed up. He turned to see Magnus and sighed. 

“You can’t…”, Alec protested. 

“You’re cold out here, Alexander. I can and I will”, he smiled and walked next to him. 

Slipping his hand into his, he squeezed it softly, “You did nothing wrong! Hey…look at me! It’s okay to feel what you do. Talk to me about it. You’ll feel better!”

“Magnus, I can’t. A lot has happened in the last few months and I can’t just!”

“I’m not asking you to. I want you to talk about it…if not me, then to someone else!”

“I can’t talk to anyone else, Magnus. You know that!”

“Then, like I said…I am all ears!”

“Maybe not tonight, Magnus!”

“Whenever you are ready!”, Magnus smiled rubbing his fingers on Alec’s palm. 

“Alexander?”, Magnus asked.

“Hmm.”, Alec replied not looking at him.

“I did not go to dance with that girl because I am interested in her!”, he explained. Alec turned to meet Magnus’ eyes.

“It’s okay if you are. I am not your…we’re not!”, Alec sighed.

“But I am not. I assure you. I just obliged her because she asked me politely. And it was her birthday. And she is the daughter of one of my friends!”, Magnus winked.

Alec’s lips curved into a coy smile but he looked away so Magnus wouldn’t notice that he had been jealous of that girl.

“You don’t need to explain!”, Alec said.

“I don’t need to…but I wanted to!”, Magnus smiled and moved closer to Alec placing his hand on Alec’s back. He raised himself up on his toes and placed a kiss on Alec’s cheek. Alec felt a current in him as he felt Magnus’ lips on his cheek. He turned to look at him and let Magnus’ breath brush his face. 

“Dinner tomorrow, Alexander. At the loft. I am not taking no for an answer!”, he whispered as Alec closed his eyes humming a yes.

When he opened them again, Magnus was gone and Alec was cold again. He rubbed his head and turned when he saw Clary standing waiting for him. 

“Everyone else just left. C’mon!”, she gestured him. Alec extended his hand half hugging Clary as they walked back to the Institute.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trying my best to portray Malec as amazing as they are. They're my heart and soul and I can't forget 2x18 


	4. You and I. Us?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, the finale is next week. I am not ready.  
> Malec be back together already <3 <3
> 
> Please do leave comments if you liked it...or didn't!

Alec reached Magnus’ loft in Brooklyn but lingered at the door. He wasn’t sure if he should go inside. So many memories surrounded his mind at this point in time. From the first time when they summoned a memory demon for Clary’s memories to the last time he set foot inside, this loft had been the witness to so many beautiful moments between him and Magnus. The door clicked open and Alec came back to the present. He was confused how the door just opened but then it was Magnus, a warlock. He was as unpredictable as it got. As he stepped inside, he saw his favorite couch. Alec felt like walking towards it and so he did. When he reached the couch, he saw a letter wrapped in red ribbon. Alec smiled at the dramatics. 

“Alexander, I can see that you found the letter which means my wards let you in. Been working on this spell for quite a while. Anyways, I’m stuck with a client and it’s going to take longer than I expected. Anyways, you can wait if you so please. I’ll be there as soon as I can.  
PS: If you’re hungry, I’ve some steak left from the afternoon in the fridge!”

Alec smiled and folded back the letter. He sat on the couch with a jump and leaned back on it. For a moment, he closed his eyes.

\-------

_“Alexander? When did you…?”, Magnus walked in holding a bouquet of flowers in his hands. \\\_

_Alec stood at the Kitchen table nibbling the fries leftover from last night. “I just let myself…where were you?”, he raised his left brow._

_“I had a client. She was kind enough to thank me with these”, Magnus winked._

_“Really!”, Alec walked forward and pulled Magnus by his waist for a deep kiss. Magnus smiled as their lips parted momentarily before Alec grabbed him again for another kiss. “Someone is very delightful this afternoon!”, Magnus cupped Alec’s cheek._

_“Well someone looks spectacular!”, Alec whispered near Magnus’ ear before moving down to kiss the nape of his neck._

_“Well, next time I pay a visit to a client…I’ll demand flowers. They seem to have such an effect on my grumpy boyfriend”, Magnus chuckled._

_“I am not grumpy!”, Alec protested as Magnus wrapped his arms around him nodding to everything he was saying._

_“Well, grumpy or not Alexander Gideon Lightwood. I love you!”, he smiled kissing Alec’s chin._

\-------

“I love you too, Magnus”, Alec whispered as he woke up realizing he had been dreaming.

He stretched himself as he heard Magnus enter his loft. 

“I am sorry to keep you waiting, Alexander!”, Magnus whispered. 

He was catching his breath which made Alec notice him. Magnus’ arms were trembling and he was holding a side-table to support himself. Alec swiftly got up and covered the distance between them.

“Hey, you okay?”, he asked holding Magnus by his shoulder.

“I am. Just exhausted my magic.”, he rubbed his temple opening his eyes to take a closer look at Alec. 

“I’m fine!”, he held Alec’s shoulder giving him an assuring smile. 

“No, you’re not!”, Alec went to Magnus’ side and slipped Magnus’ hand around his neck. 

“Let’s go have something to eat!”, Alec said as they reached the kitchen and he made Magnus sit on one of the chairs. 

“Steak from the afternoon?”, Alec opened the fridge. Magnus nodded as he put his head down trying to regain his strength. 

Magnus looked up when he heard simmering sound. Alec was heating up the steak. Magnus gaped as he observed that Alec had pulled his sweater sleeve up to his elbow. He looked so beautiful. 

“I could summon some wine?”, Magnus asked. 

“No! It’s okay. I brought alcohol with me!”, Alec turned to him.

Magnus nodded but his mind wandered off. Alec was never very open about his feelings and emotions even when they were dating but he always had a glimmer of a smile when he spoke to or of Magnus. But now, the Alexander who stood in front of him was devoid of any such emotion. His face was blank but his eyes were hopeful. Magnus wished he could understand what Alec wanted but right now, at this moment, he couldn’t. He sighed as the exhaustion blurred his vision for a bit and he put back his head down. Minutes later, he felt a tap on his shoulder and he looked up to see Alec standing very close to him. 

“Here!”, he pointed at the plate.

“Alexander, I _really_ am not hungry!”, Magnus sighed.

“You are. You’re just too tired to realize it!”, Alec said and sat on the chair next to him. 

“Eat up, Magnus!”, Alec sliced a small piece of the steak and offered it to Magnus. 

Magnus smiled and took the piece from the fork. Alec got a bit awkward as he left the fork clanking on the table. Magnus got startled by the noise. 

“I am sorry…it just slipped!”, Alec said and looked away. 

“It’s fine, I’ll eat the steak myself”, Magnus lifted the fork hoping Alec was okay. 

“Do you need water!”, Magnus asked swallowing his food. 

“Yeah!”, Alec answered and took the glass from Magnus’ hands.

They sat on the table, Magnus eating silently as Alec drank the vodka he had brought with him. Magnus offered him food but Alec refused saying he wasn’t hungry. 

“You know you owed me dinner, Alexander. And you’re not eating anything!”, Magnus complained. 

“I lost my appetite Magnus. Had too much work today and I can’t”, Alec shook his head making excuses. 

“What if I say you’re also too tired to realize how hungry you are? And that you will get very drunk if you don’t eat something”, Magnus offered him some of the steak into a fresh plate. 

Alec sighed and gave in. “I wasn’t hungry, Magnus”, he mumbled.

“It’s ok. Eat it because I say so!”, Magnus smiled.

After they were done eating, Alec put away the dishes and helped Magnus get to his bed in their…his room. Alec looked around as he escorted Magnus. The room hadn’t changed. It was just as he remembered. He followed Magnus as the latter fell on the bed. Helping Magnus put his legs up, Alec removed the Warlock's boots and then tugged his feet inside the blanket. 

“You’ll be okay?”, he asked. Magnus hummed a yes and closed his eyes. 

Alec was about to leave when he felt that Magnus was squeezing his hand. Alec sighed and pulled a chair next to Magnus. He waited for Magnus to fall asleep before he let himself lose from his hold and walked out. Right at the door, he turned to look at Magnus who was now peacefully sleeping.

\-------

Magnus woke up to the chirping of birds. Stretching himself, he recalled the events of last night and a wave of guilt flushed his face as he realized that he ruined their dinner last night and a chance to hear what Alec wanted to say to him. Grunting softly, he got up and pulled a blue silk robe lying on the chair next to his bed. He didn’t remember putting it there but then he had been too exhausted to notice anything. As he stepped into his living room, he heard light snores. Frowning his brows, he walked ahead and saw Alec sleeping on his couch. His left hand was below his head working as a pillow and his right hand was resting on his abdomen. Magnus smiled as he walked to Alec.

“Alexander?”, he called out softly. Alec’s eyelids moved and he opened his eyes. 

“You’re awake already?”, he asked in a hoarse voice. 

“It’s morning, Alexander.”, he said.

“I figured you’ll sleep a bit longer because you were exhausted”, Alec rubbed his eyes letting out a soft yawn. Magnus just smiled.

“You didn’t leave?”, Magnus questioned sitting on the couch opposite to where Alec was sleeping.

“No, I couldn’t leave you alone. In case you needed something”, he said leaning back on the couch.

“I can handle myself, Alexander. It’s not that I’ve exhausted my magic for the first time.”, he said summoning a cup of tea for him and Alec.

“I know. But I couldn’t have left you, Magnus. You know that!”, Alec raised his brow. Magnus nodded as he sipped his tea.

“So, we didn’t get to talk last night.”, Magnus said.

“I am not going anywhere. We can talk some other time”, Alec assured.

“Well, going by the stunt you pulled 7 months ago, I am not sure about that.”, Magnus taunted. 

Alec’s face straightened and he looked away towards the balcony. Magnus sighed feeling guilty for his statement. 

“I am so sorry, Alec.”, he called out. Alec nodded still looking away from Magnus. He was blinking repeatedly to fight the tears away. Magnus dropped his head down fighting his own emotions.

“I should get going. There are couple things at the institute that need my attention. Take care, Magnus!”, Alec stood up suddenly and putting his tea cup down, he dashed out. Magnus rubbed his temple as he got up for his daily routine.

\-------

As Alec walked back into the Institute, he was greeted by his mother, Maryse. She pulled him in a tight embrace when he reached her.

“I am so glad to see you back where you belong, Alec”, she mumbled. Alec hummed as he rubbed her back. 

“How are you coping up here?”, he asked as they parted.

“I am good. How are you?”, she asked cupping his face. Alec moved away from her touch.

“I am fine, Mom. You don’t have to worry!”, he said.

“I do, Alec”, she sighed. “So, how is Magnus?”

“He’s fine. Why do you ask?”, Alec raised his brow.

“I just wanted to know how my son’s boyfriend is doing!”, she narrowed her brows.

“He’s not my boyfriend, you know that. But he is okay. I just saw him this morning”, Alec nodded as the memories of his last conversation with Magnus repeated in his mind.

“I am sorry. I thought”, Maryse looked away fighting back her tears. Alec noticed and sighed pulling her into a hug. 

“It’s okay. Alright? I am fine.”, he assured her. 

“Alec, come here for a second.”, Clary interrupted their reunion and Alec was glad. 

He didn’t have it in him anymore to have conversations with his family because they’d end up being about Max and he just couldn’t bear it. As Clary took him away for work, Maryse dialed Magnus.

“Maryse Lightwood, do what do I owe this phone call”

“I know we’ve never been amicable with each other but I do know that you love my son and he loves you”

“I am not sure where you’re getting at but continue!”

“We have a memorial for Max tomorrow. I haven’t spoken to Alec about it but I’d like you to be there for my son!”

“I don’t think a Downworlder will be welcome to an event like that, Maryse!”

“I don’t care, Magnus. You are important to my son and that makes you family.”

“I am touched by your invitation, Maryse but Alec wouldn’t want me there! I have lost my right to be there for him long ago”, Magnus’ voice broke.

“I don't know what's going on between the two of you. But if two people can pull through something like this, it's you and Alec. I’ll see you tomorrow, Magnus. I hope you make it, for Alec’s sake!”, she said and hung up. Magnus sighed. He had to go. He had left Alec alone on the day Max died and he just couldn’t do it again. 

He put his phone down and was working on his potions when he heard the main door click. It was Catarina. She walked up to Magnus and gave him a tight hug. 

“The ingredients you asked for!”, she gave him a packet of items. 

“How is your Nephilim!”, she smiled and sat on the chair.

“Alec? He’s fine. Why do you?”, Magnus turned to her.

“I saw him last night, walking into your loft and I thought you are back…you know?”, she summoned coffee for herself and Magnus.

“Oh no! I just invited him for a friendly dinner. That’s all”, Magnus shook his head.

“You and Alec? Friendly dinner?”, Catarina rolled her eyes.

“Cat…I don’t recognize him at all. He is so broken and empty. I see his face and he is the same Alexander but I look into his eyes and they’re so sad and helpless, devoid of any spirit. He always had this smile on his face, or maybe around me. But I don’t see it anymore. I don’t know how to bring him back!”, Magnus fisted the table as he sat down.

“Hey…I was just pulling your leg. I know what you and Alec went through. And you more than anyone understands what it’s like to lose someone you love. Magnus, give him time. He’ll eventually understand what he wants to do with his life and his relationship with you. And it’s up to you to decide if you want to wait for him!”, Catarina squeezed Magnus’ hand.

“I want to wait for him, Catarina. But what if he doesn’t return to me. What if he is already too far ahead!”, Magnus choked.

“We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it, Bane. What good will it do to think about something that may or may not happen? Anyways, what else is bothering you, if I may ask?”, she raised her brow.

“Maryse Lightwood invited me Max’s memorial. She says she’d like me to be there for Alexander!”, Magnus sighed looking at Catarina hopefully.

“What would you like?”, she asked him.

“I just don’t want to throw myself onto Alexander”, Magnus asked her.

“Well, I think that as much as you need to give Alec his space, you also need to make sure he accepts your help whenever he needs it! And tomorrow, Magnus, he’ll need it!”, she smiled and moved forward to kiss him on his cheek. “Text me after the memorial if you need to talk. Okay?”, she rubbed his back and left. Magnus quietly sipped his coffee scrolling through his phone for texts.

\-------

“Memorial?”, Alec turned to face Maryse who stood at the door of Alec’s office. “It’s been 7 months. We don’t need a memorial”, Alec turned his back to Maryse facing the fireplace. He rubbed his tears away. “We may not need a memorial but Max deserves it and so do you and Izzy”, she sobbed.

“And you and dad!”, Alec added.

“We were never good enough for Max. You know that Alec. You and Izzy practically raised Max!”, she sniffed. Alec’s eyes were now filled with tears. “What did Izzy say?”, a tear from Alec’s eyes.

“She was worried about how you would react! Alec, will you be there?”, she pleaded.

“I will be. For Max”, he rubbed his eyes and turned to smile at Maryse. Maryse smiled and extended her hands. Alec moved forward and grabbed her in a hug as she wept.


	5. I love you.

Magnus joined the Lightwoods for Max’s memorial early next morning. The Nephilims had a custom of wearing white to these services and Magnus didn’t disappoint. Maryse was glad when she saw Magnus walk in through the doors of the institute and she stepped forward to greet him.

“I can’t thank you enough for coming, Magnus”, she said folding her hands in front of her. Magnus took the hands in his in a very generous fashion, “I wouldn’t be anywhere else today, Maryse. Where may I find Alexander?”, Magnus asked.

“He’s getting ready for the service. Come, I’ll show you the way”, she directed Magnus to the place which was reserved for the Lightwoods. 

Magnus was touched by the gesture. As the other Shadowhunters gathered, the Silent Brothers took their positions and instructed for the service to begin any moment. Magnus’ eyes were fixed at the door when he saw Alec enter holding Isabelle’s hand. They were both dressed in white. Alec looked around the room to find his family and his eyes widened as he saw Magnus. Dragging Isabelle with him, he quickly reached where Magnus stood.

“I didn’t know you were coming?”, Alec said as Isabelle moved forward to hug Magnus.

“Maryse wanted me to be here!”, Magnus smiled. Alec nodded and a little smile appeared on his face. 

As the Silent Brothers invited Isabelle to speak a few lines for Max, Alec escorted her to the dais and while she stood there speaking and sobbing, he waited for her. 

“I love you, Max. You’ll always be the strongest Nephilim I know”, she ended her speech and came down running into Alec’s arms. A sharp pain rose in Magnus’ chest as he saw the pain in the eyes of the Lightwood siblings. 

It was Alec’s turn to speak and so Magnus involuntarily walked and stood where Alec had stood for Isabelle. Alec sighed in relief as he saw Magnus through his peripheral vision.

“I remember the day Izzy and I got to know about you, Max. We were on a mission chasing rogue Shax Demons when Mom told us. And the moment I first held you in my arms, I knew how much I loved you and how protective I was of you. You grew up to be so smart and valiant. I still remember the day mum and dad brought you to New York because you messed up with the nourishment rune and now that I think about it, I shouldn’t have let you go away from New York so that I could have spent some more time with you. You were brave Max. Braver than anyone else I know. Braver than I was at your age. And every day I live without you, I can’t help but wonder if there was anything I could have done to make you happier and safer. I hope you’re happy wherever you are, little one. I miss you and I will never forget you.

Your brother”

Alec took a huge breath as he stopped speaking. Tears fell from his eyes and he dropped his hand as he walked down. Magnus tried to hold him but he continued walking till he exited the service and reached his office. Magnus followed him. 

Once in his office, Alec stumbled and fell on the floor hitting it on his knees. Magnus moved swiftly and caught him by his shoulder. 

“HEY!”, he hugged him by his neck from the back. 

Alec held Magnus’ arms and leaned back on his chest. 

“I miss him, Magnus!”, he sobbed. 

“I know”, Magnus whispered. He didn’t say anything further but just let Alec cry his heart out. Alec kept holding Magnus’ arms that were wrapped around his neck as tears continued to trickle down. They stayed there for a while as the cries turned into a soft sob. Magnus had already magically shut the door so that nobody would disturb them.

“Maybe if I had done things differently”, Alec moaned softly.

“You didn’t do anything that led to Max losing his life, Alexander. Do not blame yourself. Max was not only your brother but also a warrior. He died fighting and you can’t put that on yourself”, Magnus rubbed his hand on Alec’s chest. 

“I am so tired. I cannot do this anymore. I look at mom and I look at Izzy and I wish I could give them Max back”, he cried. “And then I lost you too!”, Alec added sniffing. Magnus stopped rubbing his hand when Alec said that. 

“Alexander?”, he was confused.

“I did this to us. I shouldn’t have been so naïve. Had you known about the secrets of the Clave, maybe…just maybe!”, Alec shook his head.

“Hey. You can’t blame yourself for that either you understand? What happened to us was not your fault alone. It was as much my doing as it was yours. But, you cannot think of the past, Alexander. Not anymore. You’re going to look ahead and be happy. Alright? You have your whole life ahead of you and I am not going to let you throw it all away, even if I have to use magic for that”, Magnus kissed the Alec’s temple. Alec moved around to face Magnus.

“Why are you here Magnus? Why are you still here?”, Alec squeezed Magnus’ hands.

“Because I love you, Alexander. I have loved since the day I saw you and I will love you for the rest of my immortal life! Nothing, I repeat nothing, will ever change the way I feel about my favorite Nephilim”, he cupped Alec’s face. “You are mine, Alexander. I may have agreed to give you space and let you come back to me but I haven’t agreed on letting you break on the inside. So, I am never letting you be alone. Never again”

Alec nodded biting his lips to control his cry and buried his face in Magnus’ neck. Magnus heaved a huge sigh as he tightly embraced Alec slowly rubbing his back. 

“What if I can’t make it back to you!” Alec mumbled against Magnus’ neck. 

“If you can’t make it back to me, I will still be there for you, always. I love you Alexander, all of you and regardless of if you love me back!”, Magnus kissed Alec’s forehead. Alec slipped his hands behind Magnus and tightened his grip around him. 

“You have no idea how much I missed this!”, Alec whispered. His voice sounded so tired. 

“Oh, I do, Alec! I do!”, Magnus ruffled Alec’s hair with his fingers. “I have missed you so much”, he cupped Alec’s face and gently moved his lips closer to his but then he stopped. Alec understood what he was trying to do and moved forward pressing his lips onto Magnus’. 

“I love you, Magnus”, Alec confessed. Tears welled up in the warlock’s eyes. “I never stopped loving you!”, he whispered holding Magnus’ hands in his and looking into his eyes. Magnus was so overwhelmed that the glamour in his eyes shed and his cat eyes glittered. “I can’t remember how much I missed your eyes and you!”, Alec’s eyes glistened as he ran his fingers circling Magnus’ cheeks. Magnus kissed his palms and then pressed his lips on Alec’s once again. 

“Alec!”, Isabelle knocked at the door of Alec’s office making them break their kiss. 

Magnus wiped away Alec’s tears and helped him stand up adjusting his clothes, rubbing away any dust or tears. Alec straightened his shirt and looked at Magnus. 

“You’re fine!”, Magnus smiled and stepped away from Alec. 

Magnus flipped his hand and the door opened. Izzy dashed in with a worried look on her face. 

“Are you okay?”, she cried. Alec nodded at her and then turned to look at Magnus who flashed a smile as Isabelle saw him. 

“By the Angel, I thought you locked yourself in!”, she said holding Alec by his shoulder. 

“I wasn’t alone. Magnus was there with me!”, he replied. 

“Isabelle, Alexander is fine. How are you doing?”, he moved forward and patted her back. 

“I am okay, Magnus. And I will get going now. Thank you for being here with my brother”, she smiled and left.

“I..uhh…”, Alec rubbed his forehead. Magnus narrowed his brows. 

“What is it, Alexander?”, he asked. 

Alec was struggling with his words and Magnus couldn’t understand what he meant. 

“Should I leave?”, Magnus asked. 

“NO!”, Alec replied with a raised voice. Magnus’ concern grew. 

Alec was fumbling with his thoughts and words. He was sweating profusely and his fingers shivered. 

“Listen, Alexander! I have an idea. Let’s go to your room and get you to bed”, Magnus said. 

“It’s afternoon”, Alec raised his brows. 

“You need rest. We’re going to your room”, Magnus ordered. 

Alec sighed and started walking as Magnus instructed. 

In his room, Magnus shut the door by magic and asked Alec to lie down on the bed. He, on the other hand, pulled Alec’s blanket over him and sat on the edge of the bed holding Alec’s hand. 

“I’m putting you to sleep and I’ll be right here when you wake up”, Magnus whispered as blue haze put Alec into slumber. 

“Don’t leave, Magnus”, Alec slurred his words as his head tilted. 

Magnus noticed his hand which was tightly held by Alec. Magnus kissed the back of Alec’s palm and made himself comfortable in the bed next to Alec. He slipped in the blankets with him but did not lie down.

\-------

When Alec woke up, it was dusk outside. He opened his eyes to a white cloth with a typical scent he could recognize everywhere. Magnus was sitting next to him on the bed, his legs in the blanket with him. His hand was still holding Magnus’ and as Alec shifted his position, Magnus woke up.

“Evening”, Alec said in a hoarse voice. Magnus nodded as he yawned. 

“Evening. Had a good sleep?”, Magnus asked. Alec nodded.

He slipped out of the bed and went to the bathroom to wash his face and change. When he came out, Magnus was straightening his clothes. 

“You’re leaving?”, Alec asked surprised. Magnus narrowed his brows, not understanding why Alec said that. They weren’t dating each other and Alec had agreed that he wanted some time and space. So why would he say something like that? 

“Yes, Alexander? I can’t really stay!”, Magnus raised his brow. 

“Yeah, I am sorry I kept you from your personal commitments!”

“No, you didn’t Alexander. I loved being here for you”

“I loved it too…I mean thank you!”

“Ofcourse. I’ll be here day after tomorrow. Jace asked me to strengthen some spells here!”

“Oh, he didn’t fill me up about it. But see you then?”

“Yeah. Take care, Alexander!”

“You too, Magnus”, Alexander smiled as he saw Magnus leave his room. 

The smile vanished as Magnus went out of his vision. 

As he walked out of Alec’s room, Magnus decided to go home to Brooklyn by foot. Today had been a different kind of experience for him. He saw Alec pull himself together and speak his heart out about his late brother Max and then break down altogether in front of his ex-boyfriend. Throughout their relationship, they’ve had some amazing moments together. From their first date at Hunters’ Moon to when Alec confessed that he was in love with him. There were moments where they let their guards down but this was different. Magnus had never seen Alec so broken. In the few months they’d been together, Magnus had seen Alec grow as an individual and as a man in a relationship. He never had been someone who’d smile and be open about his feelings but Magnus never had to pry Alec’s thoughts out of him. He quietly exited the institute and turned to walk back to Brooklyn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do leave a comment. I'd love to read your thoughts!


	6. Drunk...dating...and more?

Catarina and Magnus sat in his loft sipping tea. Magnus was cuddling Chairman Meow who purred softly in his arms.

"It must have been very difficult, Mags!", Catarina sighed.

"It indeed was, my dear. I wish I could have done something to soothe the pain of everyone who lost Max", Magnus put his cup on the saucer as they nibbled on biscuits. He was gloomy and clumsy in his demeanor and Catarina Loss was convinced that Magnus needed a change from his routine of missing Alexander and she had the right place in mind.

"How long has it been since you went out, Mags?", Catarina spoke out of nowhere.

"Huh?", Magnus gaped his mouth.

"When was the last time you went out, Mags. How is that so difficult to answer?", she rolled her eyes.

"I don't know... I don't remember!", Magnus shrugged. "Why do you even ask?", Magnus sighed.

"I think you should probably go out tonight! It will be good for you!", she announced.

\-------

"...what will be good for him?", a voice sounded from the door. Magnus peered and saw Alec walk in with his hands in his pockets. He woke a black shirt over a pair of grey pants. Magnus let out a huge sigh as he saw him. Alec rubbed his head as he joined the two Warlocks. Magnus summoned him a cup too.

"I was telling him that he needs to start dating!", Catarina winked. Both Alec and Magnus choked on their tea as they looked at each other. Magnus quickly offered Alec his napkin as they awkwardly gazed at Catarina. He was not sure where she was going with this.

"She's right", Alec sighed and replied seconds later. Magnus gaped and turned to Alec.

"What?", Magnus raised his brows in surprise.

"I think she's right! I mean you’re single, Magnus!”, Alec’s voice was low and unconvincing. “You need to see someone", Alec replied shaking his head.

"I really don't, Alexander. I am fine", Magnus was flushed.

"Don't stop on my account, Magnus. You know I want you to be happy, always. In fact, why don't you go clubbing tonight?", Alec suggested.

"You were not here to talk about my dating life, Alexander. You and I can’t do that. Anyways, what brings you by?", Magnus tried to shy away from the conversation.

"Oh yeah. Uhh…right! The Clave personally wrote to you thanking you for your work for the Institute. It came in this morning.", Alec gave him a letter.

"And you came all this way to give this personally?", Magnus narrowed his brows as he took the letter.

"I was in the neighborhood talking to some warlocks about something so I thought I’d stop by, give you this and also thank you for yesterday", Alec gave a weak smile. Magnus hummed in response and Catarina gestured to leave. Magnus walked her to the door and shut it as she left.

“Oh Alec. You didn’t have to”, he turned to look at him.

“No Magnus. I did. Anyways, I should go now. Listen to Catarina and go out. In fact, let me know if you’ll need help”

“Help dating?”, Magnus widened his eyes.

“No…generally. Not…dating…no…I didn’t”, Alec stuttered for words as he got up to leave. On his way out, he tapped Magnus’ shoulder. “See you later”, Alec said from the door as he left. Magnus kept looking at the direction Alec went for a while and then sighed.

\-------

“This is the last of the paperwork you asked me to fill, Alec”, Clary put down a bunch of documents on Alec’s desk. Alec turned his chair around to her. “Thanks. That’s all for now”, he smiled pulling the documents to himself. Clary turned to leave when she noticed Alec shift awkwardly in his chair.

“Alec…what is it?”, she turned back to ask.

“Nothing, why?”, Alec cleared his throat.

“Speak up, Lightwood. What is bothering you?”, Clary moved closer and sat on the table.

Alec pressed his lips together and raised his brows. “Speak!”, Clary raised his brow.

“You know Catarina Loss?”

“Yeah, Magnus’ warlock friend”

“Yeah…she was at Magnus’ today and she asked Magnus to…”

“What were you doing at Magnus’?”, Clary stopped Alec.

“There was a letter from Idris…for Magnus. I just went to give it to him”, Alec shrugged. Clary’s lips curved into an “Oh” but she continued to listen.

“She asked Magnus to start dating…”, Alec muttered. Clary could feel the frustration in his voice. 

“Okay…what did Magnus say?”, Clary drew closer.

“He refused…obviously”, Alec looked at Clary with an expression of “I knew Magnus would refuse” on his face.

“Yeah…obviously!”, she smiled.

“But I asked him to go ahead with it”, Alec confessed. 

“WHAT! Why...?”, Clary yelled.

“I don’t know…Clare, I just did.”, Alec sighed fidgeting with the paper weights. “Could you leave me alone now…I just need some time”, Alec quickly got up and moved away from his table.

“Sure. I’ll be in my room if you need me. Alec, it’s okay to feel! And it will be fine.”, she muttered and left. Alec heard the door click shut as he fell on the chair next to the fireplace and leaned back to look at the ceiling. He closed his eyes as tears trickled from the side of his eyes and chased each other all the way down to his cheeks and the nape of his neck.

\-------

“Alec, we need to talk”, Jace rushed inside Alec’s office and sat on the chair in front of him. Alec opened his eyes and looked at him, confused.

“What is it?”, Alec sat straight up curling his hands into a fist.

“I am your Parabatai, right?”, Jace asked.

“Yes, you are. Jace, where are you going with this?”, Alec narrowed his brows.

“So trust me and listen?”

“What is it…?”

“I’ve been waiting for days to talk to you about this. I feel what you feel, buddy and I feel your emptiness. I thought that once you’re back in New York, things will get better but they don’t. I feel your heart filling up when you’re with him but otherwise the same darkness succumbs your heart”

“Jace, after Max and breaking up with-”, Alec sighed.

“It was 7 months ago, Alec. Max is a hero and he would have never wanted his older brother to waste his life mourning. And about Magnus. We all have relationships and they end. It’s a part of who we are as half-humans. You’ve had people feel sorry for you and then support you but I won’t have people feel pity for you. No, Alexander Gideon Lightwood. You are stronger than that.”

“What would you want me to do, Jace”, Alec raised his left brow.

“For starters, I’d like my Parabatai back. And then, I’d like my friend back and if at all I have favors remaining, I would like the Head of the Institute to become what he is supposed to be. A Leader”, Jace came forward and knelt in front of Alec.

“What if I can’t? Everyone keeps hoping that I would find myself again but Jace I am lost. I don’t know what to do. I have these emotions flooding my mind and I am helpless. They consume me. I see Max in the darkness and lack of Magnus in the light.”

“One step at a time, Alec. But you gotta start somewhere. Tell me, do you miss Max?”, Jace placed a hand on Alec’s knee.

“Yes, I do. Every minute of every day”, Alec sniffed.

“And do you think Max died an honorable death, fighting for his people”, Jace asked.

Alec simply nodded.

“Would you wish Max was not at peace because the people he loves aren’t?”, Jace’s voice choked. Alec looked at Jace with tears welling up in his eyes. Jace pulled himself up and hugged Alec tightly.

“We will miss him for the rest of our lives, buddy. Max is never going to really go away. But, let’s remember him the way he was. Brave, cheerful, valiant and above all, the best little brother we could have asked for”, Jace rubbed Alec’s back as his shoulder’s moistened with Alec’s tears. Jace pulled away from the hug and wiped Alec’s tears.

“Coming to Magnus Bane”, Jace sniffed.

“He’s a chapter in the history, Jace”, Alec shook his head moving away from Jace.

“What makes you say that?”, Jace sat back on his chair.

“You remember Catarina? His warlock friend. She came over this morning to his loft and she asked him to start dating”, Alec rubbed his nose.

“What did Magnus say?”, Jace intertwined his fingers together.

“He refused…but I asked him to go ahead with it anyways”, Alec shrugged.

“Ok. So what seems to be the problem?”, Jace looked confused.

“He’s moving on, Jace”

“Because you asked him, Alec?”, Jace was appalled. “Did you not want him to move on?”, he asked.

“I don’t know what I want”

“Then why did you even say anything!”, Jace’s voice was loud by now.

“Because I panicked…okay? I panicked and I asked him to move on so that he won’t think I still want him”, Alec yelled back.

“By the Angel, Alec…”, Jace let out a huge breath. “Do you still…want him back?”, Jace lowered his voice.

Alec rolled his eyes and looked at Jace. He looked confused and annoyed. Jace rubbed his temple. “He’s coming in tomorrow for some work…talk to him. Okay? Just say everything that you must…tomorrow”, Jace heaved a huge sigh and got up patting Alec on his shoulder.

“Get some sleep, Alec.”, he whispered and left the room leaving Alec all the more annoyed at himself and the world. 

He got up and poured himself bourbon one glass after the other until he was too drunk to not spill the alcohol. He called Clary to take him back to his room where he fell asleep as soon as he dropped on the bed. Clary closed the lights and shut the door behind her as Alec’s snores echoed.

\-------

Alec was working on his aim in the training area. He was in a black vest with his bow in one hand and the quiver tightly wrapped around his torso. After waking up with a terrible hangover, Alec had a quick shower and had immediately proceeded to the weapons room. It was only a matter of time before he grabbed his bow and quiver and reached the arena to practice archery. 

He had obtained information that Magnus had reached the Institute and was working alongside Jace on some ways to enhance the capabilities of portalling in and out of the Institute, with proper clearance. He didn’t bother to join them because he needed time to process whether he should talk to Magnus about them. He didn’t miss a single aim at the dummy targets when Raj came in.

“Sir, Magnus Bane is waiting outside the arena. He wants an audience with you”

“He doesn’t need permission, Raj. Let him through”, Alec muttered as his eyes were fixed on the disc that just flew in from the launcher. The arrow left Alec’s bow and broke the disc in pieces as soon as they made contact.

“Morning”, Magnus’ husky voice sounded from the door. Alec lowered his bow and turned to look at him. His lips curved into a soft smile as he nodded in reply to Magnus’ greetings.

“You done with whatever it is that you were here for?”, Alec asked re-aiming his bow towards the chain of flying discs.

“You’re the Head of this Institute and not the least bit interested in the business of the Clave”, Magnus chided. Alec shot a stare at Magnus as arrows left his bow.

“This is what Jace decided while I was away. I trust him to do the right thing, Magnus”, Alec shook his head.

“I was just joking, Alec. Anyways”

“How was your date, last night”, Alec taunted.

“What date?”, Magnus frowned.

“The one Catarina asked you to go to…?”, Alec swallowed his frustration.

“Catarina and you…you mean?”, Magnus raised concern.

“Whatever…how was it?”, Alec mumbled.

“It was good…I think. I was too drunk to notice”, Magnus shrugged. Alec frowned and he removed his quiver and put it down along with his bow. Magnus got confused as he saw Alec advance towards him. He was sweaty but looked so sexy in that black vest.

“You got drunk on your first date”, Alec chided walking towards Magnus. Magnus took a step back.

“Alexander…what”, Magnus asked as he stepped back towards the door. 

Alec softly pulled Magnus’ wrist and directed him to his room. Once they were inside, Alec bolted the doors. Magnus stood at the far end of the room, near the wall as Alec walked closer to him. Magnus grew uncomfortable as he found himself stuck between the wall and Alec. 

“Alexander, stop”, Magnus whispered as Alec pinned him against the wall and placed both his hands on either side of Magnus’ head.

“Did you ask your date to stop?”, Alec whispered very close to Magnus’ lips.

“Alec, you’re hungover. You’ve to understand what you’re doing”, Magnus fumbled for words.

“Magnus…I hate when you call me Alec!”, Alec stared as Magnus tried to resist Alec.

“Alexander…”, Magnus sighed as his eyes moistened. 

Alec had cupped his face in between his large palms and his eyes had watered up. Magnus placed his hands on Alec’s waist and pulled him closer as he shut his eyes patiently waiting for what Alec was about to say. 

“Did you wake up and drink again…”, Magnus opened his eyes.

“I don’t need to be high to be in love with you, Magnus Bane”


	7. Home

“Magnus Bane. The night I met you, at that loft after you killed that Circle member with your bare hands, I never thought you’d become this important to me. I was young and stupid and I thought I was in love with Jace when I really never understood what it was to be in love with someone. You chose me in the crowd when I didn’t expect to be even noticed. You made me realize that I was worthy of being loved…and you loved me. I am the luckiest half-angel to have ever walked this earth because I was noticed by you, Magnus. It wasn’t easy for me to announce to the world that I would never be what they wanted me to be but when you walked in on my wedding day, I knew I could do it…because I had you. That moment when I grabbed you by your lapels, the world stopped bothering me because I was holding you. You gave me that courage. You showed me your world but I didn’t realize when you became the center of mine.”, Alec closed his eyes as he brushed his cheek with Magnus’. The cheeks got warm and wet because of the tears that fell from Alec’s eyes.

“I’d never been in love before I met you and I can never be in love with anyone else now that I’ve known you. They say a Shadowhunter falls in love only once. I don’t know how true that is, but I know one thing. There’s only you I could have fallen for and there will always be only you. I will never love anyone the way I love you. You are my first, my only and my forever Magnus. There will never be an Alexander Lightwood without Magnus Bane. I am sorry I pushed us away, I am sorry I lied to you. I was stupid enough to think that I could hide things from you to keep you safe. Instead of keeping you close to me, I lost you and I will regret it for the rest of my life.” Alec opened his eyes and saw Magnus who had broken down in his hold. He was supporting his head in Alec’s palms and tears didn’t stop from falling. Alec took his hands off and knelt before Magnus.

“I will be honored if you take me back, Magnus. I don’t know what else is supposed to be my life if it doesn’t have you in it. You are my home and I need you to find me and take me back”, Alec dropped his head as he felt Magnus kneel in front of him and take Alec’s hands in his.

“Oh Alexander”, he sobbed. “I am sorry I pushed you away. I thought I couldn’t save my people and still be with you but I was wrong. Because you are my people and I didn’t save all of us. And YES, I want you back. I need you to be back in my life because life without you is a life I don’t want to live any more than I’ve already had to. I love you so much Alexander Lightwood”

Magnus moved closer and kissed Alec as he broke into uncontrollable sobs. He broke the kiss and then wrapped his arms around Alec’s neck. Alec buried his face in Magnus’ neck and hugged him as tightly as his body permitted. It shook with every sob that left Alec’s mouth and Magnus just firmly held Alec until Alec loosened himself and his sobs turned into hiccups. “I am here and I will never leave you again”, Magnus assured him running his fingers through Alec’s hair. “I promise”, he whispered as Alec moved in deeper in Magnus’ embrace. Magnus wiped Alec’s cheek that was visible to him and dropped down to support himself and Alec against the wall that Alec had pinned him to. 

Alec held Magnus so tightly as if his body told him that Magnus would disappear if he loosened his grip. The Shadowhunter’s chest went up and down as huge breaths left his mouth. Magnus stroked Alec’s back softly.

“Wow”, Alec pulled away from their hug a while later and looked at the place where he had buried his face. It was soggy and wrinkled. “I am sorry for ruining your shirt”, Alec rubbed his eyes. Magnus let out an endearing chuckle as he cupped Alec’s cheek and stroked his cheekbone with his thumb, “Alexander…I can sacrifice every shirt of mine if it means I get to be hugged by you!” Alec looked at Magnus and smiled. Magnus’ body relaxed. This was his Alec’s old smile. The one which had brightened so many of Magnus’ mornings and ended those days that were never to be talked about, again. His eyes glistened as they both got up and Alec took a good look of himself in the mirror. His eyes were red and puffy and his head felt like weights had been put on it. Magnus came from behind and slid his hands around Alec’s stomach. 

“It’s okay”, he whispered. Alec looked at Magnus through the mirror and gave him a smile and a soft nod. He mouthed “I love you” to which Magnus mouthed “I love you too” kissing Alec’s shoulder. Magnus turned Alec around and pulled him by his neck into a kiss. “You make me the happiest warlock alive, Alexander”  
Alec smiled as he kissed him back and wrapped his hands around Magnus’ waist.  
“I missed you, Magnus”, Alec spoke in a hoarse voice.

“And I missed you, Alexander”, Magnus smiled and placed a lingering kiss on Alec’s cheek and then he pulled him in a deep kiss. It felt as if they had been thirsty to hold each other because Alec gave in and wrapped his arms tightly around Magnus’ waist. Nobody wanted anything more than that for this moment. It was just enough.

  
\-------  


Alec held Magnus’ hand as he turned to face him. His eyes were still lump with the crying but the redness had gone away. He crawled closer and buried his head in Magnus’ neck.

Magnus smiled and kissed the bridge of Alec’s nose.

“I’ve missed you being…you, Alexander!”, Magnus whispered.

“I’ve decided…I won’t let Max see me and be hurt or disappointed. I’ll be better for him. And I’ll be better for you because you don’t deserve this”

“Alexander…”, Magnus turned to him. “You’re the best for me…You always were…and you will always be.”. Alec was looking at Magnus when he suddenly remembered something.

“Who did you go out with last night…?”, Alec changed the topic.

“Excuse me…?”, Magnus was taken aback.

“Your date…”, Alec didn’t look at Magnus.

“Are we doing this…right now?”, Magnus raised his brow.

“Magnus…”, Alec made a puppy face and Magnus started chuckling. “You’re laughing?”, he gaped.

“I didn’t go out last night…just spent it going through our photographs…”, Magnus smiled. Alec pursed his lips together in embarrassment and dropped his head burying it in the crook of Magnus’ neck. Magnus giggled and wrapped his arms tightly around Alec’s back kissing his shoulder. 

“You’re still as adorable as the first time we met”, he whispered tickling Alec’s ear. “Shut up, Magnus”, Alec mumbled in a complaining and unidentifiable tone.

“Haw”, Magnus chided him.

“I want to stay like this forever”, Alec sniffed and snuggled closer to Magnus. The warlock was grinning ear to ear watching his favorite Nephilim being as cute as it got. “Yeah?”, he rolled his eyes. “What if I say I have a better idea…”, Magnus pulled away. Alec frowned curiously. 

Magnus grabbed his hand and pulled him towards the bathroom. Alec licked his lips as Magnus shut the door behind them. He took Alec under the shower and turned the faucet. Alec blinked as the water trickled from his hair onto his eyes. His vest stuck to his body as the water wet it. Magnus softly wrapped his fingers around Alec’s wrist and slipped it on his neck. He pulled himself closer to Alec raising his body on his toes. Alec closed his eyes as Magnus came closer to his face and kissed his lips. Water trickled from around their lips and cheek as they were pressed onto each other. Magnus wrapped his hands around Alec’s waist and pressed his body on Alec’s chest. His lips left Alec’s and moved to his cheek kissing every inch of Alec’s face and sucking water out of them. He moved to the bridge of Alec’s nose and then the eyelids and forehead. Alec just kept still as he felt the warmth of Magnus’ lips on every part of his face. He felt warm tears falling from his eyes but he did not dare to open them. Magnus slipped his fingers below Alec’s vest and pulled it up to remove it. Alec raised his hands to comply. Magnus stopped kissing Alec and looked at Alec’s bare chest pressing and rubbing his palms on it, reveling on the beauty of his boyfriend. He looked at Alec who was staring at Magnus with nothing but love in his eyes. Magnus gave him a warm smile and pressed his lips on Alec’s collarbone working his way up to his deflect rune that made Alec flinch a little.   
Alec held his hands up to remove Magnus’ jacket and his necklaces one by one. Magnus assisted him as Alec removed Magnus’ silk shirt revealing his perfectly chiseled body. He dug deep in Magnus’ neck licking the water that trickled and sucking his way up to Magnus’ chin and finally his lips. “I love you”, his voice broke in a hiccup.

“I love you”, Magnus replied and hugged Alec tightly, letting his tears fall after all. Alec rubbed Magnus’ back as the latter sobbed and let his emotions lose. Water continued to trickle from over them but none of them let the other go. Alec waited until Magnus stopped crying and then helped him remove his makeup. They helped each other take a comforting shower and then wrapped themselves in towels walking out of the bathroom. Alec opened his closet and took out his favorite pair of black pajamas while Magnus slipped into his silk trousers. 

He crawled under the duvet of Alec’s bed and extended his arm as Alec sat on his side and then leaned back on it. He pulled over the duvet over himself and entangled his legs in Magnus’ closing his eyes.

“Mmm.”, Alec mumbled as the exhaustion of letting his emotions out gripped him. He grew sleepy and finally dozed off holding Magnus in his arms.

  
\-------  


Magnus sniffed a little as he woke up. He moved his fingers around and felt them moving against warm skin. He blinked open his eyes and tilted his head up to see Alec staring him. His fingers moved through Magnus’ hair. “Hey”, he croaked softly. Alec kissed his forehead.

“Hey”, he smiled back.

“I’ve missed your smile”, Magnus pinched Alec’s lower lip and Alec looked away. Magnus turned Alec’s head to face him again. “Look at me”, Magnus whispered pulling himself up and kissing his lips.

“I won’t leave you again. We won’t be apart.”, he cupped his face and nudged his nose.

“Promise?”, Alec asked.

“Promise”, Magnus assured. “Now, how about a second first date?”

“Huh…?”, Alec narrowed his brows.

“Let’s start again, Alexander. I want to fall in love with you all over again. I want to find you again”

“Well, I won’t propose to a girl this time…”, Alec shrugged making Magnus chortle.

“Maybe we’ll skip that bit”, Magnus winked and lifted himself over Alec. He supported his weight on his palm and dipped down to kiss the boy.  
Alec sighed and kissed Magnus back.

It was surreal.

It was magical.

Alec was home.

**Author's Note:**

> I am not a very good writer and English isn't my first language. This chapter isn't beta-ed so please ignore the mistakes. The next chapter will be up very soon. This is not a very long fanfic. 
> 
> Leave a Kudos...and a comment!  
> 


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